Sometimes I feel like a...

Sometimes i feel like a Talk Show Host...

I work at a Sporting goods & Pawn shop. So you can only imagine the people I see each day and the things that I hear.  I really love my job, but I would be okay without listening to people babble on and on about their INSANE stories and ALL of their problems.  Don't get me wrong, i care about people and their well-being, but I just do not want to hear the stories they make up.

I mean, how stupid do you think I am to believe that you have special powers and can make an airplane turn away from crashing into your house or that you are receiving a check for $408,000!? I know that you are making this up or you thought of it when you were tripping on some illegal drugs.  It's because they hear this alllll day long! Really, do i have a sign around my neck that says "PLEASE TELL ME EVERYTHING THAT COULD NEVER BE TRUE AND EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE IT!"

There is a couple who comes in every day and they have a new story to tell me every time they come in.  (Which is EVERY SINGLE DAY!!)


Let me just explain to you why i feel like a Talk show host.

Recently, they came in and told me at least 7 different stories.  I found this one to be the most interesting story as well as the most hilarious story I have EVER heard...

First, ill set the scene for you, just imagine this.  They come in extremely dirty like they had been playing in mud all day, they open the door and just stand there for about 30 seconds, staring at me the entire time.  I'm the type of guy that doesn't get awkward, I make situations awkward on purpose.  So they finally walk up to the counter and i greet them with a "how y'all doing today?" They both in synchronization give me a huge smile and say, "very great today!" So i just give them a surprised look trying to avoid what they are about to say.  
They start anyways, "you will never guess what happened to us last night!" And without even waiting for my reply they jump into a story so far fetch that it made me question if i was dreaming or not.
"So, yesterday we went home and the roof was ripped off of our house and replaced with a tarp! can you believe it!? Well its true. And we called the police and we told them who did it." Then the woman speaks up and says, "we didn't see them do it but my powers told me so!" At this point, I'm a little shocked so i just reply with a surprised "Oh! Powers huh?" They both all of a sudden got really serious and said, "you didn't know about my powers?" I just shook my head and they went into a story about the powers she has, "Yes last month I was outside feeding our chickens and a plane started falling out of the sky and i could see the distress in the pilots face. I waved my hands and focused in on the plane and picked it up and set it back on its path. And, that's not even the best part!" At this point I'm trying my hardest not to laugh.  First of all, if a plane is falling, its coming down at a rapid speed, and you can most likely not see the pilots face.  But i let her continue the story "So we just went on about our business and didn't think anything of it." Okay now, I'm freaked out if a plane was falling on my house and my "powers" stopped it.  I will not go on about my business.  But then she said i had to hear the next part, "the very next day at exactly 5:01 PM, the same exact plane came back by and had a banner that said "THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WHAT YOU DID, YOU SAVED LIVES YESTERDAY" and the pilot was waving. I felt pretty good about it, so later I went out to check the mail and there was a blank envelope. I opened it cautiously because it could've been Anthrax. And inside was a check for $408,000 and a note that said, "I hope this covers everything for you and what you did yesterday"

Okay, now I'm officially flipping out. How do you receieve a $408,000 and come in to complain about not having money and needing to pawn jewelry!? I just don't understand the things that these people tell me all day. 

So, now you know why I feel like a Talk Show Host, because I hear the most ridiculous things all day long. I think if i could record these conversations I have with some of these people that I could submit them and make millions as well as take Conan O'brien's job.